Category Archives: humor writing

So, I did this thing where I wrote this book. Here it is:

hardcopy

 It’s a collection of humorous observations, told through more than 60 poems and accompanying illustrations. I did everything myself, from the writing to the drawing and design cover and more. Now I’m doing all of the marketing myself, which is about a million times harder than any of the rest of it.

In promoting it, I’ve been lucky to find some terrific supporters, and I’ve gotten a fair amount of press — including being featured in John Kelso’s popular column in the Austin American Statesman and as Cup #82 in Melissa Lombard’s Coffee With a Stranger project. You can follow the Facebook page for it here.

The book description is this:

Humorist/writer/sketch artist/mom Blythe Jewell offers a selection of humor poems and illustrations about everything from being a mom to finding hair in all the wrong places. Random, insane, potty-mouthed and sometimes sweet, it’s a collection that will leave you laughing, crying and occasionally scratching your head.

More than 60 titles include:

- Hair in My A*% Crack
– Lollipop In My Hair
– Shut the F*!% Up About Twilight
– Ugly Baby
– On Our Periods Together
– Neil Patrick Harris Gets the Paddle
– Leave the F*!%ing Cat Alone
– Has Anyone Seen My Glasses
– I Can’t Do Math

… and many more.

If you’re interested in supporting it, the best things you can do are BUY IT and REVIEW IT and SHARE IT with your friends. I’m depending heavily on word of mouth to promote this baby, and getting the word out is by far my biggest challenge. Any and all help is appreciated!!

I’m planning a small launch party and some additional events/promotional projects during National Poetry Month in April, so stay tuned for more news. In the meantime, any inquiries about the book, readings or other events can be directed to me.

I hope you’ll check it out!

Something Smells Like Pee

I struggle all the time with how much I should share here about my humor blog. It’s potty-mouthed, obnoxious and often very opinionated… not exactly the most professional body of work one can present on what’s essentially a resume site. But at the same time, I’m proud of it. It represents a lot of time and effort spent on my part, and it’s told in a voice I’ve worked hard to cultivate over time.

I go back and forth on it because I know that not everyone will agree with the opinions I share there or the ways in which I share them. But today? Today I have no hesitation about sharing this post. Because this one is all about the numbers — and numbers are something everyone can agree on.

My Feelings About Election 2012, In Cat Pictures

The day after the Presidential Election was over, I published this post. Within an hour, it had gone viral. The traffic started pouring in from Facebook, and links spread all over Twitter and message boards across the Internet. It’s been tweeted no less than 50 times (including a share from Battlestar Gallactica star Tricia Helfer). I have no idea how many times it’s been shared on Facebook but I can guarantee it’s a lot more than 50.

In 4 days the post has brought more than 37,000 unique visitors to the site, and it continues to spread. To give you some perspective, the most page views I’d had in one day before this had been about 1,200, and that was nearly three years ago. In the three days after the Cats in Pictures post went live, I’ve averaged 6,300 page views per day.

Basically, it’s gone gangbusters.

Whether you voted for Obama or Romney, whether you agree with my political opinions or not — you have to admit, the numbers are good. And that’s why I’m okay with sharing it here. So — enjoy!

(Be warned, though — this is pretty much the only “safe for work” post you’ll find at The Bean. So if you’re easily offended or faint of heart, you might not want to bother.)

Cats in Pictures

When I’m pressed for time and just can’t get the creative juices flowing, I often depend on my 5-year-old son Sam to write my content for me. He’s brilliant, hilarious and clearly a chip off the old block. Here’s a post we “co-wrote” this weekend for the grand finale of Funny Not Slutty’s 80s Week:

5-Year Olds Just Don’t Get the 80s

Co-Written With My Five-Year-Old

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I’ve touched on this in other parts of the site, but wanted to offer a direct link to the book my work was featured in late last year. Adoro Publishing’s humor anthology My Funny Valentine: America’s Most Hilarious Writers Take On Love, Romance, Humor and Other Complications was released in December of 2011 and featured a piece I wrote for my column at FunnyNotSlutty.com. The post was titled “5 Things I Will Not Be Doing to Please my Man this Valentine’s Day” and can still be read, with accompanying pictures, on the site.

To buy a copy of the book, visit its page on Amazon.

My Funny Valentine: An Anthology

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This review was originally posted on the blog Kidding Around Austin back in Marh of 2011. It was written mostly as a casual blog piece and is both obnoxious and potty-mouthed (my humor trademarks). Just a warning!

Star of Texas Fair and Rodeo

Yesterday I went to the Four Seasons for a brunch held by the super awesome folks at PBSKids (more on this later in the week) and got smacked in the face by the SXSW crowds. Once I was able to get out of downtown (which, believe me, was no small feat), I went home, picked up my boys, and spent the rest of the afternoon at the Star of Texas Fair and Rodeo.

It was kind of like spending the morning on one planet, hopping a spaceship flight and spending the rest of the day on a completely different rock. I started my day on Planet Skinny Jeans, and ended it on Planet Wrangler.

SXSW is about technology. And celebrity. And being hip.

The rodeo? Totally not about any of that stuff.

The rodeo’s all about cowboys.

And meat.

And I don’t actually know what these things are, but it’s about these things.

It’s also a GIANT rip-off.  The big butt-screw started before we ever even got into the park – ten dollars for decidedly NON-rock star parking.

view from our car

Once you finally make it to the gates, it’s another $7 per adult ($4 for kids 3-12) to get into the fairgrounds. A grand total of $18 for the three of us to get into the park so we could spend a whole lot more on overpriced food and carny rides. Before we ever even walked in, we were nearly 30 bucks lighter. And our feet were already sore.

They make you pay for everything with tokens. Probably hoping those shiny gold coins will distract you from the fact that you’re handing someone nine dollars for a piece of pizza on a stick.

The only part of the fairgrounds that didn’t seem to cost the price of a small child was Kidstown — but that section was so smelly and depressing (with all those poor, miserable petting zoo animals and tired ponies) that I would have gladly paid someone to make it all just go away.

However.

Here are the pluses.

My boy LOVES a carnival.

The rides were fun and the kids had a blast.

And the people watching?  Well, that just doesn’t get any better anywhere else than the rodeo, folks. And that’s the god’s honest truth. Some of the people we saw were worth the price of admission alone.

Two children with glorious mullets

Could we have gone to a regular old carny – the Thomas carnival that just happens to be going on over at the Dell Diamond right now, perhaps – for less money, better parking, and similar entertainment?  Well, sure we could.

But we would have missed this:

Her pink t-shirt says, in huge white letters, “FUCK Y’ALL I’M FROM TEXAS.”
Yes, that’s her baby in the stroller.

And that would have just been unacceptable.

Beej

Rodeo Review

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