article writing

CultureMap Austin

I’ve recently joined the ranks of contributors at CultureMap Austin, a daily digital magazine that publishes news, reviews and other content that’s centered around Austin and its surrounding areas.

My first piece was published a few weeks ago… a quick list of old school, kid-friendly Austin fun spots the whole family can enjoy.

crmap2

Another piece about New Braunfels “staycations” will be published later this week, and several more are on the front burner. So stay tuned!

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design

Guilty Pleasures

One of my best friends from high school is now kicking ass and taking names as the front woman of a popular band in town called Guilty Pleasures. It’s a balls-out, all-girl rock band that covers everything from Benatar to the White Stripes, with lots of legs and attitude. (They put on a tremendous live show; don’t pass up ANY chance to see them.)

They recently landed a big gig at the House of Blues in Houston, and needed a poster or two to promote the event. My friend knew I could find my way around Photoshop pretty well, so she asked me to help out. I came up with a bunch of templates, she picked her favorite and we made a few tweaks.

Even though she didn’t use all the drafts I sent her, I still really liked some of them, so I’m sharing them here. I absolutely love doing design work and will soon add this to my menu of services… until then, though — enjoy!

Warhol Lips

Smoky Glam

Rocky Horror

Hendrix

blog writing · collaborations · humor writing · personal writing

Co-Written With My Five-Year-Old

When I’m pressed for time and just can’t get the creative juices flowing, I often depend on my 5-year-old son Sam to write my content for me. He’s brilliant, hilarious and clearly a chip off the old block. Here’s a post we “co-wrote” this weekend for the grand finale of Funny Not Slutty’s 80s Week:

5-Year Olds Just Don’t Get the 80s

blog writing · books · humor writing

My Funny Valentine: An Anthology

I’ve touched on this in other parts of the site, but wanted to offer a direct link to the book my work was featured in late last year. Adoro Publishing’s humor anthology My Funny Valentine: America’s Most Hilarious Writers Take On Love, Romance, Humor and Other Complications was released in December of 2011 and featured a piece I wrote for my column at FunnyNotSlutty.com. The post was titled “5 Things I Will Not Be Doing to Please my Man this Valentine’s Day” and can still be read, with accompanying pictures, on the site.

To buy a copy of the book, visit its page on Amazon.

blog writing · humor writing · reviews

Rodeo Review

This review was originally posted on the blog Kidding Around Austin back in Marh of 2011. It was written mostly as a casual blog piece and is both obnoxious and potty-mouthed (my humor trademarks). Just a warning!

Star of Texas Fair and Rodeo

Yesterday I went to the Four Seasons for a brunch held by the super awesome folks at PBSKids (more on this later in the week) and got smacked in the face by the SXSW crowds. Once I was able to get out of downtown (which, believe me, was no small feat), I went home, picked up my boys, and spent the rest of the afternoon at the Star of Texas Fair and Rodeo.

It was kind of like spending the morning on one planet, hopping a spaceship flight and spending the rest of the day on a completely different rock. I started my day on Planet Skinny Jeans, and ended it on Planet Wrangler.

SXSW is about technology. And celebrity. And being hip.

The rodeo? Totally not about any of that stuff.

The rodeo’s all about cowboys.

And meat.

And I don’t actually know what these things are, but it’s about these things.

It’s also a GIANT rip-off.  The big butt-screw started before we ever even got into the park – ten dollars for decidedly NON-rock star parking.

view from our car

Once you finally make it to the gates, it’s another $7 per adult ($4 for kids 3-12) to get into the fairgrounds. A grand total of $18 for the three of us to get into the park so we could spend a whole lot more on overpriced food and carny rides. Before we ever even walked in, we were nearly 30 bucks lighter. And our feet were already sore.

They make you pay for everything with tokens. Probably hoping those shiny gold coins will distract you from the fact that you’re handing someone nine dollars for a piece of pizza on a stick.

The only part of the fairgrounds that didn’t seem to cost the price of a small child was Kidstown — but that section was so smelly and depressing (with all those poor, miserable petting zoo animals and tired ponies) that I would have gladly paid someone to make it all just go away.

However.

Here are the pluses.

My boy LOVES a carnival.

The rides were fun and the kids had a blast.

And the people watching?  Well, that just doesn’t get any better anywhere else than the rodeo, folks. And that’s the god’s honest truth. Some of the people we saw were worth the price of admission alone.

Two children with glorious mullets

Could we have gone to a regular old carny – the Thomas carnival that just happens to be going on over at the Dell Diamond right now, perhaps – for less money, better parking, and similar entertainment?  Well, sure we could.

But we would have missed this:

Her pink t-shirt says, in huge white letters, “FUCK Y’ALL I’M FROM TEXAS.”
Yes, that’s her baby in the stroller.

And that would have just been unacceptable.

Beej